Things have gotten worse and worse. Everyone I knew are either dipping their footsies to the engaging waves and white sands of beaches or outdoors superbly succumbing their skins to the dazzling rays of the sun. And I, ever so fixed at home: eyeballs glued to the laptop screen, fingers coupled tightly onto the keyboard, loooong summer list – 48 years to be checked as done. I am anxious, but I guess my ‘summer’ will only initiate on the succeeding days which means, will go to gush with my CET review – which, on second thought, is bad. Imagine enjoying the view of someplace else while thinking of solutions to your algebra appraisal or physics when all you want is pure composure? I even run a query on my sleeping brain nerves as to why would I even take this college review? Not that I’m a pure whiz kid though geek would absolutely suit well, but I won’t splurge college years here anyway. Summer – and I have nothing to do all week, which is ironically, quite alarming. The art of doing nothing: in bed all day though I try to get my butt out of it since the blankets will soon creep inside of me, my trampoline whispering me to stay active and jump on it soon enough, the unread books waiting to turn its pages for my own good sake, the clothes in my closet all struggling to slip in my body and shine, the giddy summer rays all waiting for me to savor their being – all these, whose juvenile applauding made me yearn for the taunts of school works. I dream of wearing the school uniform I’ve fitted in for a year and learn some new ideas once more.
I think that part of my own dilemma is that even though I want to go back to school, I don’t want to go back to school. As I said, I can’t possibly visualize going back to school these days when everyone I knew are out and enjoying themselves to true summer amusement, and I on the other side of the world (yup. the world has so many sides. no- not the top and bottom. but sides. it may be spherical, but it is an imperfect sphere, so it has gazillions of sides. and i. on the nth side. so practically, what i say is dumb. pretending to be dumb. yup, i’m dumb. dumb. when? just now. okay. let’s give this dumbfest a halt.) juggling deadlines. Although I love schoolwork, doesn’t it feel unfair when you’re down and the rest is up? I know it’s good education you end up with. I’m aware of that. But if I want to go to school, I wouldn’t necessarily want the idea of waking up pretty early in the morning, if you know what I mean.
Life has no meaning again. I gaze into the abysmal void that is my soul and all that is reflected back is my own emptiness. I am bored and restless. I mean, not me, but my environment, err, or the current being. The high of living in the virtual world didn’t last long. I needed a new challenge. But what?
Once again, I’m taking into senses Gossip Girl and Sara Bareilles on YouTube. Even Sara’s songs fail to cheer me up (although I tell you, her songs are very lovely). Before I detach to the world wide web, and do God knows what, I saw a scene: Serena and Blair with bags on each arm with these big designer labels. Yes! I bet there aren’t any rules in shopping, is it? I’ll start to garb up and go shopping tomorrow. I’ll teleport to
The dream lives.
I adore wedges to bits. Everyone who knows me knows that too well. But after the day of going to MoA, which is totally out of plans (if I only knew sooner, I’d probably slip in my Crocs all day), I ditched them from the very time our car went inside the garage and I can hop on to our house. Something tells me at the back of my naive brain: ‘You want shopping??? Then walk.’ That’s why I kept up. I couldn’t believe so. Totally not until I saw shopping bags in my room. It should be mandatory that the Surgeon General print warning label on high heels/wedges be like those as in packs of cigarettes (i.e., Warning: These shoes can lead to lower back pain, aching toes, and the illusion that you’re taller than you actually are.)
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