15 Jan 2009
You have read my title and you smirked. At least, I would like to think that my title is, in all of humanity, holds true to my bones. But then, your eyebrows made their way up so you continued reading to find out the bits. In short, I caught your attention. Truth is, I lied. Whoever wrote and/or said that they were never bullied probably was an expert liar and might soon find his way to hell (if there was).
I have always been bullied. Be it by my friends, by my teachers, by my thoughts, and by strangers. Bullying is such a huge deal for me. So it must count for something that I am writing about it here because frankly, I have never admitted that I was bullied. To say that you have been is an absolute humiliation. To admit that you have been is another. And in such way, I am thankful because every time I was partly bullied, I was never hurt physically. And every time that I was bullied, I have always come out as the winner in each situation because after all, I have always learned something from it and came out stronger than I ever was. Contrary to popular belief, being bullied is even awesome. But soon enough, when you realize that you have always been the underdog, it's the only time it begins to feel sick. Still, bullying is a crime against human ethics.
I have been bullied several times I could not keep track of. We become subjects of bully people because they see in us a fragile, midget person. That we can't handle things on our own, that we are still babies that we are so small that they could just step upon us by the curb.
THE PURSUIT OF POPULARITY
I was once the girl who was so unsure of herself that she was eaten wholly by her insecurities in the world that it reflected her character and her whole being. That girl was on the edge of her beliefs. I can vividly remember when I was in first grade, I have this classmate who was named Door. I forgot if it was really his name, or was it just another nick that people call him. It was not only his nickname, he has another. He was also called, Bulldog. For the fact that he always wore those manly shoes that was called bulldog then. Everybody was afraid of him. But certainly, I could tell that I wasn't a single bit. Until one day, I was leading our class towards an inter-class competition and he does not favor of my leadership because after all, he likes to be [metaphorically, a] king. As always. I did not really favor of his thought so I continued to lead my classmates. In every practice, it is either he would completely disappear from everyone's sight or not participate to his whole capacity. For me, that was the first form of bullying I have ever experienced. He continued and continued doing so. But guess what? After one week of surrendering myself to his negative acts, I figured that it was not worth it. He was not worth my time. Sure, he'd tell me negative things such as 'You don't really lead the group well.' This is of course, in absolute contrary to what my classmates tell me. I continued to ignore his presence since he continues to ignore mine. In the end, who lost? His grade for the competition suffered. But my whole group never did. See? Bullies even get their fair share of being bullied. Karma rings a lot.
IS CUPID STUPID, OR DOES HE JUST HAVE A POOR AIM?
Still in first grade, there was this guy named R-Jay, who was new in our school. We were bus mates. He told his bestfriend, Mick, that he's got a crush on me. So Mick told me the whole story and I told Mick that I got the same crush to R-Jay. Not that I was surprised at all, but Mick told R-Jay of what I told him exactly. After a few days, our batch knew all about it. There were girls in our batch who got mad at me, and there were guys in our batch who got jealous of R-Jay. The next week, there were writings (more of vandalisms) in the ladies' lavatory: 'Robbin is really ugly.' And not just that, below that writing was the girl's name with a heart sign and below the heart sign was R-Jay's name. How crazy could kids get? Seriously? So in this bully scene, I am being bullied by girls who are pigtailed tots and brats who never cease until the get what they want. No matter how rude they act. 'How then?' You asked. Quite simple, actually. They'd spread nasty gossips about me at how I'm ugly (which of course, to tell you frankly, only the girls who hate me believe so. Obviously. And I don't want to sound boastful, by the way.), and weird, and crazy. Not just that, they'd give me their tiger looks whenever I pass them by. And, they'd always try to get R-Jay's attention whenever he's talking to me. Now I know how catfights often start. And I'm proud not to be in at anything at all. Well, guess what. R-Jay vowed to dislike girls like them. Any guy would stay off of girls without any values, right? But we're only first graders. Seemingly innocent in this world. Eeek.
THE TEACHER IS THE WORST PREACHER
Still I was in first grade (see?! A lot has happened in my first grade, actually!) by this bully moment. I had an ugly mannerism with my eyes: it always looks like I'm giving somebody that snob look. I don't even know how I got this mannerism, but luckily I brushed it all off after a while. I have this English teacher, Ms. Let, who's so easily annoyed she's like the high school principal in the movie Matilda by Roald Dahl. Once I was asking her something when my mannerism struck (wrong timing, big time.) me. Annoyed, she told me: 'Gusto mo ihulog kita jan?' When it was all but a flat surface in our room, I wondered, where the hell would she push me? Still I knew it was the worst act I've ever encountered. My dad fetched me from school because we'll be attending a family gathering after class hours. I told him what happened and he went to school the following day to talk about the matter to our school's Officer-In-Charge, Ms. Larcy. Ms. Let were all smiles and all gentle to me the day my dad called for her presence. My dad obviously knows that we were in the position to even sue Ms. Let. Instead, he threatened the school to expose what happened to the newspapers since my dad knows some journalists from Philippine Daily Inquirer and Manila Bulletin. It was not the first incident with Ms. Let. Rather, it was not her first case with such act. A lot of students even reported that Ms. Let have been repeatedly telling bad words while in class! How unethical was she?! We were the first to take the case seriously, and after a few days, Ms. Let was out of the school. No ifs, no buts.
LION KING
Everybody knows that I've got such thick hair. And for some, teasing me about it is one way of annoying me. To which, they never succeed. It was not actually another bully episode. If so, I'd have a lot of bully stories for you to last a lifetime. Luckily not. They'd tease me that I looked like the Lion King from the Disney movie. After several attempts of embarrassing me, I figured, nobody could make me feel inferior without my consent. I think I’m borrowing that thought from Eleanor Roosevelt, whose feelings I don’t quite know if it has crossed with mine. I started loving my hair no matter how big it looks like to anyone. After all, how else would anybody love you when you yourself even take for granted your being? I love my hair. I'm blessed to have such hair because everytime I'd imagine people whose biggest problem was hair loss, or very thin hair, or no hair at all -- I feel so lucky. I've grown to love my hair, and in turn, it shows in your aura that your hair loves you too. Now tell me I'm a Lion King, and I'd be proud. Why? Well, who could resist being a King? Or perhaps, a Queen? Big hair equals big attitude.
THE LEARNING CURVE
Being bullied was always a challenge for me. It was a challenge in the sense that I needed to grow myself and face those fears that I have long been running away from. Of course, I do admit that I’ve bullied a few people (erm, on the contrary I mean a lot of people) and I suppose that me being bullied is a karma itself.
I am not saying that being bullied is always great as I said earlier. If it goes too much, then of course it will not help you at all! It just destroys your whole self, and nobody likes that. I, being bullied at certain roads in my life have actually played a huge part in my development of character, values, and as a person with strong sense individuality. In the end, it is still all up to the person how she'd come out of the situation: 'Will you be a winner? Or a loser?' Certainly I'd pick the former. I am actually surprised that I’m well-versed at this. Still I could not phrase my thoughts well.
So in every, cliché (as it suggests), trials you are in, be sure to always come out a winner. And never, never, allow yourself to be in that trial again because you'll never learn in repeated battles. That is for sure. You must always be stronger than you have ever been so you steer clear of things that will bring you down. You must always develop yourself as person, as a firm believer, and as God's child. Much the same as there is a Yin and Yang in this world, of Black and of White, of Good and of Bad; there is also Karma that awaits every bad deed, haunts every bully alive. But of course, you don't hang on Karma alone. At times, you must also do your part. You will know what I mean when you do it. Fingers crossed. Good luck.
Bully episodes: I welcome you and thank you in return. I think everyone should do. Cheers to all bullies, and those who are still bullied up to now. Ironically, I am sending you all my congratulations.
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