"Don't live a life full of plans.. Sometimes, the best moments happen on the unplanned.. and the greatest regrets happen on not reaching what was planned"
Late night I received a random SMS from a classmate in one of my subjects last semester. Usually I immediately delete text messages, but this was surprisingly kept. Admittedly, I am very very obsessive compulsive when it comes to dealing with matters of my life. Whenever solitary and alone moments occur in the quiet, I find myself holding my planner, quite a number of blank sheets of bond paper, stacks of magazine issues in front of me, broadsheets all over my desk, and my ever trusty pen - scribbling to no end. I map out my life in different months, checking out magazines and newspapers for current lifestyle trends, marking my dreams and well wishes for posterity. The planning doesn't only stop at figuring out what to do with myself (or the life I've been crazily living - for that matter) for the couple of weeks. These days I am quite surprised at how I've been writing down too much. You know, not really my normal. I guess this is what a 3-week break from school really gives you: a time to finally be in tune with yourself. It's good, actually. But the blankness and idleness? I cannot really deal with it. I am somehow managing, maybe, 'cause I repeatedly remind myself of how chaotic things will again be once school resumes on November 3rd.
The planning came in too strong these days that I feel like I'm a twenty-five year-old lady stuck in an eighteen year-old body. Even my current planner that's my daily diary housing all of my to-do lists this year wasn't able to handle all the madness I've been doodling on it lately. I've practically wrote down how my November and December will go. Then the early months of 2011 along with the summer (where frankly, was touted to be the highlight of my year that will be), and the latter months of it. But as I've said, I've been crazy. So the extra blank sheets of bond paper became additional pages to remind me and keep track of myself from 2011 and 2012 (which hopefully, doesn't serve as all of the humanity's end! Eh, my plans won't even be met if it does! Hahaha. Goodness.), and yes, even when reality embraces me at twenty-five up up until thirty years old. And the shocking revelation didn't end there - yet. My planner even marked details such as "by 30 years old: I am already a.." stuffs. That continued until mid-age, thirty-five. After that, I told myself that I can probably pull through already. Crazy. Then wherever life takes me. JUST be able to actualize the what-I-might-think-as-craziness-right-now-but-a-grand-scheme-of-things that I've been noting down these days.
Planning seemed to be so cruel at one point. The thrill of living a daredevil and carefree life is out of the question. Quite tempting, to say the least. Along with all my planning, there were so many of my plans too that didn't take effect - that didn't go exactly as I planned them to be. And it was both disappointing and fun. Fun, on the most part. All the unexpected things either got me into trouble or completely made me frustrated. The former brought all the mixed emotions you have on your system. Sure, it was stupid and crazy. But to tell you, it's F-U-N. People always restrict you on planning to the littlest details all because of one reason: regret. But I believe you wouldn't really call it regret if you haven't completely given up on it right? And you don't really regret things for happening or for not happening because in the end, it's then that you learn. The learning curve comes in the most unexpected and unplanned moments. You call it regret when you do not do something to achieve it. Yes, it maybe disheartening, maybe you screwed up - but as the old old cliche goes: YOU HAVE TRIED. And that's clearly NOT regretting. Remember that even something comes out in the bad sometimes.. even in the unplanned.
Yes, I am platonic.. Yes, I am over-the-top obsessive compulsive.. But this gets me somewhere. Now I'm moving my fingers back to my cellphone and clicking delete to that message.
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