If

It's the saddest word in the English language. Sadder than regret, loneliness, and farewell. Two letters in the alphabet combined to create a power to fill you with questions which even you cannot answer at that point. Or maybe never. Only in daring to cross the fence and brave to see the other side of it can lead you to little clues that bring light in seeing little pieces that may finally erase the curiosity. One too many times we are just afraid to take that tiny step out of our comfort zones. To seemingly release into the unfamiliar and unsecure state of ourselves. We begin to be so caught up by the tiny what-ifs that it's only later, perhaps, never we discover that we have just passed up to the biggest magic in our lives. But what if it was for the bad?  Well you have conquered yourself above anything else. You have mustered the courage like nobody can. And at the very least, you have tried.

Adieu to disappointment

From the first moment I met you, your arrogance and conceit, your selfish disdain for the feelings of others made me realize that you were the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry. - Elizabeth Bennet, Pride and Prejudice

There you are in your most calmed state. Musing at things that the world has to offer. And there, she walks in beauty and awe of second thoughts. Pondering on the right time to finally chance upon your delicate presence. Apprehensions unmasked, braving through it, she lowered her gaze as if you were a complete stranger. But it was most likely, not. You were never a stranger. You were who you were, and she knows it too well. Unfazed, she finally gathered the courage to speak. To ask. To talk. Smooth exchanges, soft words, melodious laughter - it all seemed like you've met before like it was not the first time. Her astonishment was beyond expression. She stared, she doubted, she dazzled. Enough encouragement that finally there was you. He spoke well, but there were feelings beyond words which could not be detailed. Continually declining, continually posting agreements, delaying deals. A young man brimming with vivacious plans, filling the time of endless deeds, as of it is the essence. Amazed, she sat down and grinned. With the beauty of her reflecting her eyes, she said in delight, "My certainties cannot be explained. Today was the day." They said that impressions last. What she had of you were all in positive light, yet they all seemingly floated into the wind. If only you could have weathered yourself, heightened humility over your indirect boast. You expect her to account for opinions you could have easily won had you not mortified her. You aroused on her undefied inclination towards your ability. It was not questionable. And then she stood, and became the lady your ladies were not.

Catch your wave

There are so many times when I'd fancy myself some waves. I catch waves myself. Funny how I'd always succumb myself to them. Too many times I run out on my own, enjoy the small waves. Even if they are small curls that tickle my feet, their littleness brings majestic bliss. And when I come out looking for more adventure, I keep on the big waves coming. These days it were no wonder that these waves come in regular doses of indefinite sizes. It was cool that I can still keep pace and amaze myself. But too many times when I go out and try catching more of my own waves and no wave comes your way, you just get a little tired coming out for them. Life's always unpredictable as that. As days go by, little by little I feel the breeze. The ocean wants me back. And I definitely have no qualms putting it down. Drown me.

GLISTENING

Daryl (Cervantes) is a hopeless romantic. Hoho. But seriously, Dar, if ever you chance upon seeing this. You were good. :-)

Dear reader, with all due respect, this is a work of fiction. Every character, event, place are fictitious. If, and only if, some information disputes the above mentioned statement, I advise you to not read any further.

Glistening.

She was pretty, pretty to start with: slender curves, sleek if I may; naive and blank smirks; a very rigid and perplexing identity. She was, without any stain of doubt, the epitome of flawlessness. But there’s just this one catch, we haven’t met yet.

Nostalgic as it may seem, I’ve only hit puberty to start things with. She came strolling inside our class with her enigmatic atmosphere and boisterous laugh, with a white cardigan on and a pretty smile to match. I wasn’t attracted to her almond eyes and batting lashes, her gloss tinted lips, her candle-like fingers, her freckled and elastic skin, and her towering yet firm legs; until words escaped her lips. I found her profoundly amusing, to tell you the truth. She sat across the room, but was indubitably proximal.

An LCD-display scientific calculator was always sandwiched in between her books and I, at that time, found that impressive. I was ambivalent of her, to tell you honestly. There were times when I felt utmost frustrations for her, and there were moments when I fell hard for her. As exacting and demanding as she was, I felt inadequate and inferior for her.

Summer came marching in and we went separate ways, bearing the fact that I haven’t bid her farewell, and that was that. Just like that.

Time is fleeting, but is promising.

Years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds have passed, but I haven’t seen her yet. To tell you the truth, a lot have passed but nothing came close to her. There were that came with varying shapes and sizes, in diverse forms and puzzling contours; then there were that came with different angles possessing beauties, quasi Egyptian complexion if I may; then there were that came with figures enticing, and yet unlike her. And with these, I voided the space allotted for her in my existence. Then she came back, unannounced.

Blue to red is acid.

Her innocent and sweet smile was altered to a crimson and devilish grin; I wasn’t prepared for such feat honestly. She put on a lot of weight, to tell you the truth. Her gravity was pulling me down, with every inch of her being. I was trying to pull myself out, but died trying.

She favoured red, this came in no surprise. It’s not that I was anticipating something like this, but I was anticipating.

She seemed distant, always expressing a blank perusal, and yet we were juxtaposed to one another. With this, I examined her thoroughly; her face was filled with lines but was concealed by layers of paint, the smile that was intoxicating turned out inversely, and her vivid personality was boxed by a tough and craggy exterior. She changed, as a matter of fact.

I fell short due to expectations, but was surprised of how things between us proved all of my assumptions erroneous. She was incognito with her dealings, and I found that amazing. She told me she wouldn’t be of any importance now, her help I meant, but will attest a greater benefit when the right time comes. Without a doubt, if my memories serve me right, she was there when I toiled fervently for my thesis; she was there from the start.

Bury the dead.

“I’ll be there when they crash and burn, I’ll be there when they become deranged, I’ll be there for sure”.

She wasn’t telling a joke when she said that, she was there; charting and grouping, lining and calculating, extracting and exacting. She has this formula, her personal formula, for life. Constructing and constricting, she scrutinized every aspect of my life, yours as well. She’s, a matter of fact, here, there, and everywhere; a tangible explanation for day by day basis, a creative one if I may.

The road not taken by will.

I’m far from dawning and near from falling, but she’ll be waiting without a doubt. As she had said to me, indifferently intimate, she’d help me. Help was an understatement perhaps.

She’d be of disposal to whatever extent I may wish to; anytime, anywhere. But what disturbs me most is her oath: even at my chosen career, she’ll be there; charting and grouping, lining and calculating, extracting and exacting, and there she will be.

To start with, she was pretty.

My comment in his Note: I must say, you were goooooood! To have me glued reading till the very last word was an achievement in itself. I usually skip when reading Notes here on Facebook. But this one's different. Really. Thumbs up for you, hopeless romantic.

So there was this guy
Early morning he makes sparks fly
You're talking to me
I'm talking to you
And everything suddenly feels brand new
I left you right there
And went nowhere
Seconds turned to minutes
Aren't we a bunch of shiznits
Never knew your name
And yours was just the same
Rushing back to the building
Right, you see me walking
Calling me like an older sister
I do have my name, Mister
Slow steps came rushing to my place
Speaking softly you return my gaze
Now we're down to knowing
How things will soon be going
By just telling each other's name
Now I know you're Charlemagne
I told you I was Robbin
Isn't that name really rockin'?
You insisted calling me Alyssa instead
Okay, if that's what you said
Funny how everything starts
Why did that floor smell like everyone farted
I don't know what I'm writing from my mind
Is true that love is blind?
Silly me I jump so fast
Why does that fart's smell lasts
Dunno what the hell I'm writing right now
I just wanted to move my fingers somehow
I'm now ending this shit
Because I now feel like posting a Tweet.

Lost and found

Sometimes I get really lost.
I lose myself in all things.
I'm clumsy that way.
Pretty much.
Pretty well.

I didn't mean to be lost.
Though sometimes I wished for it.
That things may go as they seem.
Free from my control.
Free from my thoughts.

I am lost.
And then found.

In some amazing puzzle I've been trying to figure out.
Which then you did.

Song Stress

Yesterday @ REP we had this little activity focusing on memorization and improv where the whole group's gonna compose a song (complete with its tune) with a middle and end, by merely connecting all the phrases each of us in the whole circle says. For example, Mark sang: "Across the sky.." the next person would sing naman: "Across the sky.. I saw a fly.." then the next will sing: "Across the sky.. I saw a fly.. Fly so high." And so on. We were around 25 in the circle and this was the masterpiece we had produced (LOL):

I met a girl

And we had dinner

The girl had golden hair.. and we ate steaks together

But then I saw another girl

And this one's better

So I thought, why did I look on the other girl

Oooooohhhhhhhhhh

I felt so stupid

Then I saw a lump on her throoooooat

Found out she was a lesbiaaaan

But then I said that it's okaaayyy, coz I am gayyyyyy

Then I told the girl: "I want to have your boobs somedayyyy"

So we put on make-up

Lalalalalalalalalalala

We fit together

Next week we'll be together

At the Manila Hotel..

Swimming

Then we had sex-change

Change-ange-ange-jong-jong

Life is gooooooooood

Life is good today.. Oh! Life is good today!!!

Then I met a man....

And weeeee got maaaarriiieeedddd :)

This makes for such a humorously tragic song.. the beginning and ending was perfectly there. We'll just have to figure out where's the chorus. :P

This Tuesday we'll be having our talent showcase! Yay! So each of us had to rehearse any song from a musical. And I'm torn between the five:

1. On My Own (Les Miserables) - I've been singing it all day. And by "all day" that means that I barely pause. Or if I do, it's just whenever I'm doing other things. And then my brothers complain.
2. Ten Minutes Ago (Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella)
3. Take Me Or Leave Me (RENT)
4. Journey To The Past (Anastasia)
5. A Little Fall Of Rain (Les Miserables)

Yelp?

Unapolegetically Written

The challenge of a white blank paper often makes my nerve cells run in panic. With the pressure of producing some sensible thought often driving me to nowhere. Well, with a whiff of instant feeling, your mind suddenly is filled with thoughts. Remember when you were younger, you just grab a piece of paper and write whatever you want – whatever strikes your mind – whatever fleeting thought that instantly lights your bulb. Well, that happened to me three years ago producing some on the spot poetry that completely gives a hint of resentment.

**** this guy I really hate
Bless him with fats I long to rate
Bless his cheeks which are so thin
Sorry if this is all pure sin

***** is his st***** name
Good looking? Ohmy, his claim to fame?
Intelligence is all he could always brag
I shall soon put heavy rocks in his body bag

I want to see him very weak
I wish for him to be sick
He thinks I have a crush on him
But sorry guy, or so it seems

Oh I apologize for all I've said
It's like I'm passing in a very thin thread
This is right for you, oh guy
I shall soon give you heavy sighs




Oh dear me.

A Little Bunch of Contradictions

My head is haunted by so many wishes and thoughts, accusations and reproaches. I’m not really conceited as so many people seem to think, I know my own faults and shortcomings better than anyone. But the difference is, I know I shall improve and have improved a great deal.

I am living a life of a saint. Perfectly well if you will excuse my slight disobedience to some things, and some minor deals. I am the perfect student: my life is from school and home, I don’t drink, never smoke, I accomplish stuffs at the given time, I study smartly, I never go out of the house (except when going out with my cousins!), I don’t party. I only go out the house when: (1) I’m with my parents, cousin, siblings, or any relative, (2) with a yaya. I have a dual personality. My deeper side will always be too quick for the lighter superficial side of me that’s why it will always win. Whenever there’ll be decision-making and all, the deeper side will always assess so deeply, that the outcome will always be good. Call me a perfectionist, but I know it won’t hurt to make mistakes. Even more, some so-called mistakes may even turn out to be wonderful and fun. But yeah, still, limitations are there. There is the side of me that is always so serious, will call your attention of things that goes on unfavorable, will be so frank to the point, won't even laugh at your green jokes and even call it lame. But then, there's also the side where I'll let you pass off with the joke no matter how lame-y it sounds and then automatically after that, a whole booze of laughter emerges, one who's not afraid of breaking some rules, not following the right way (but her own way), and will freely dance to a beat mine and mine alone, even unafraid of hitting the high note as crazily as I could. Whatever. Somehow, no matter what, there's always an invisible wall beneath our souls that hinders us to do things that doesn't subject to the affirmation of someone. And I guess, it's the time to crash those walls and be freely me. :)

Biting the Bullet

The streets are plagued by heated expectations

Banners are plastered of voices unheard

United by one confidence to surrender

To uncover the covered, and show the hidden

A collision of two extremely diverse forces

All in a great assent to top the other and be supreme

Shall we venture to propose to two beliefs, absolutely NOT

We seek ye only legitimacy.. and then we be free

The people of this nation wants to be free from the metal clutches of depressing issues

Who have chained us for so long, we remain motionless

We result to doing everything there ought to be done

Yet nothing submits to a visible change

Reign the Queens of Terror and Corruption

The Kings of Gamble and Dishonesty

Portray thy fake stance to the masses

Who have fallen to all thy traps and spells

People of the nation, grab firm of thy faith

That thy country shall soon be like a dove unreservedly flying

Vanish thy loathing judgments

Implore for them souls to be forgiven

Unending agonies we forever reveal

Unresolved cases are much to our dismay

Repeated lies blanket the country so thickly

Who, in deep sleep, have never awaken

Animosity

It’s the feeling of loss when he’s disappeared
It’s the feeling of distrust
The feeling of betrayal that he’s moved on than you do
It’s the melancholic feeling.

It’s the resentment seeing him with another lady
It’s the sardonic thought of confronting her
It’s the depression of asking yourself why he’s left
It’s the thought of wanting to be the better you

But then...

It’s also the thought that he’s not worthy of you
It’s also the thought that it’s never your loss
It’s also the thought that he’s terrible
It’s also the thought that you deserve to be happy and free

It’s the thought that the world is full of guys
It’s the thought of bliss of getting to know each one
It’s the thrill of seeing each
The delight in moving on

It’s also the thought of knowing you’re better than that lady
It’s also the sarcastic jealousy you see in them
It’s also the thought he found someone less
It’s the thought of laughing that he found someone horrific

It’s swearing they won’t be happy
But then that’s for an obvious reason
It’s hoping that they’re a bad couple...
Well, well, the thoughts that lie in a bitter mind.

My Poetic Self

I've been very much unleashing my poetic side. It's like, every time I lay my hands on the keys, what I begin to type is not something that I usually write.. not in any sort of a paragraph form as I always do in my blogs. Gozz. Inspired?

A Love Supreme

It’s when you plead Mr. Cupid to free his love arrows

It’s when you think of all the possibilities

It’s the days when you want someone to show up

It’s when you assume he’s feeling the very same feelings you feel

It need not to be overwhelmed

But just the right amount

It never has to be less

But just there

The days pass by and you’re waiting

For years it stays, you don’t want it to bid goodbye

It knocks you off your feet

The short-lived thoughts come in reality

Alas! The power of love takes effect

You can’t explain how it does

No chapter takes over

It’s just.. there

When 2 Really Make 1

The stars witness the greatest love story there is to tell
Two indifferent characters play the roles
Yes, they are not aware
But the stars conspire that they two be

It was nothing like any anecdote told
Rather unlikely to tell
Cynical to persist
But the end is still unrecorded

There’s enchantment among the stars
They all work together
To let the two convene worlds
They are not aware.. unaware of everything that is to beckon

But the sparkling stars above
Passions will forever stay
They two not know their roles
No intended entrances and exits

No script is written
No director, no cameras
No repeated takes
No finicky stage..

The whole world’s their arena
The audience for eternity notices the love about to unfold
But these two characters remain unconscious of their roles
Will something incredible be finally, finally be put into pen?

A book remained blank
The pages are still in crisp papers
All but white
No letters are at hand

The author still does not know
The words won’t come out ‘till they do
The actions will speak for itself
They.. will act for themselves

The stars will conspire
A bequest from the high heavens
The moon will glow the darkness away
The sun will polish upon them... brilliantly

It’s whilst they appear to discern.. that 2 really make 1.

They’ll conceal beneath the stars
And grasp that they had the supreme power one could ever have
All the love they bestow will come to eternity
And it is clear, that a happily ever after isn’t far away..

Truly, they’ve made history again.

Raindrops

I could sit down for hours,
listening to the drops of rain.
Pretending after this is a rainbow,
a brighter day.
And if everything don't turn out well,
there's still much hope.
That with these tiny drops,
is a promise of forever.
With every rain drop rises the hope.
With every rain drop is a smile.
With every rain drop is life.